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My higgledy-piggledy lifestyle

Updated: Sep 23, 2018

After the beautiful boy shattered my world and before my Parisian landlady sent me an eviction letter, I had my four wisdom teeth removed. I have a titanic phobia of needles and hospitals so I was operated on under general anesthetic in Paris. The hospital then forgot I was there. After 7 hours in semi-consciousness, I took myself and my green flanneled apron (the ones that cover everything but your bottom) for a woolly walk to see if I could find a straw and a glass of water but no one was on the ward. Not having a lovely boy anymore or a best friend I had to ask a neighbour to discharge me.



I then spent 4 months with tennis ball checks, severely bruised in a range of colours: yellow, green, red, brown, and blue. I caught 3 infections, so after the initial swelling came down, one side popped out given me an asymmetric wife beaten look. I only took a few days off work to ensured everyone, clients included, got the chance to see my beautiful Picasso face.


I lost 10 kg in six weeks.

The formula: breakup + 4 teeth removed = no ability or appetite to eat or drink anything.


But the good news is that 6 months later I've put it all back on again!

The formula: no planning, no grocery shopping = hungry = borrow from new unseen housemates' supplies.


There is an order to the borrowing. I start with the fridge, zilch. Then the dry goods, porridge, and rice. Then the freezer, bingo, parmesan cheese and something reassembling sheets of carasau bread. I borrow a bottle of 2015 Italian red and I'm set. I don't bother to defrost anything. But I do fling the carasau all over the kitchen, forget about it and leave it there.

Buon Appetito.


Calorie count:

- Red wine: 700 cals - which Wikipedia tells me is the equivalent of 14 jaffa cakes or a McDonald's Cheeseburger and medium fries.

- Parmigiano Reggiano: 800 cals if you devour the entire block, which I did

- Carasau bread: who's counting at this stage...

Total calories consumed at midnight on a Monday night: 1500 cals.

Is the daily recommended calorie intake for women still 2000?



I grovel out of bed around 9h30 and drink a cup of hot water and half a squeezed lime, my only good alimentation habit picked up in Nice when I lived there a decade ago - its an old French cure for cleaning your insides in the morning before I pour toxins into it again. I then drink a percolator of coffee and forget to eat anything until 3 pm when I realise all over again that I have nothing to eat, so I repeat the same borrowing process.


Sightings of housemates: 2 of 2, still not seen the third. However, number 3 did send me a text asking me to stop leaving all the lights on, the balcony doors open, cheese crumbs all over the sofa and floor as there is a history of mice. Also, could I clean up the kitchen from the homemade pizza making operation...


For the record, I have now replaced all borrowed items from my housemates. I have even shared this link with them and they are now assisting me in promoting my blog. They are a lovely bunch.

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